My last goodbye to Graal.


4/6/02 H1. My name is PACHUKA. I'm one of the original Graal players. I guess I'm sort of an urban legend on Graal, and I don't know why. I was one of the most ruthless, egotistical, assholes to ever abuse a game ever. And I enjoyed it to the fullest. So let me tell you about the relationship between me and Graal, so HOPEFULLY Graal players can learn about me before they start seeking me out.

The year is 1998, or maybe it was late 97. The years sort of blend together from here. I was very very bored. I used to be involved heavy in the console emulation scene. Any emulator, anytime. I was addicted to console games and emulating them. This was before anyone had heard of a Goodtool like GoodSNES, and long before ROM & emulation sites started to disappear. One of them was called "The SNES Emulation Centre" (no misspell). IT was on this site that a programmer student named Stefan Knorr had made this neat little Java applet with gif files from The Legend of Zelda, a Link to the Past. It was called "Java Zelda". It helped cure a little boredom.

I used to toy with it once in a while. But in a few months Stefan managed to make it a into a map of the light world from Zelda 3. Soon, it became more with the birth of multiplayer. This would allow you to select your link's colors and PK other links. This is where I first started to abuse this game.

Stefan needed help making levels. So he put the full level kit, editor, and home client up for download. So I used it to abuse other players. Since it was on my PC and I could still use it to connect to their server, I used to abuse a young couple for fun. They were named Nick and Mandi. (Heads 2, 3 on the selection screen last time I checked) Nick was a moron. A real fucking moron. This guy wanted so to be loved it wasn't funny. He was a dorky middle school kid, and his only sense of power came from him PKing other players. So I started fucking with him. I edited the levels so I could walk through objects that they would see as solid. I also added "wormholes" to lead me all over the map so he couldn't run from me. All the wormholes led to a level I made which gave me all the powerups of the game, and allowed me to refuel my live and arrows. (Loooooong before bombs.) He and his girlfriend Mandi were the first wedding of what was soon to be Graal, and of course, my guild (the baddies) crashed it.

This continued for a while until one day, the direct x version was born. It allowed the user to connect to a server, and play like it ain't no thang. One problem. Link was replaced by a Chinese dude with a mowhawk. The graphics were replaced by a terrible set of cartoony graphics. So Stefan sent me the server for it. (At the time it still worked on the old Zelda online servers, but he gave me an updated one.) I set up a server on my PC, and had all my ZO buddies join and play. I have the honor of hosting the very first Graal game ever. Eventually, the server was put up, and it became Graal.

So, me and a small other group of people were Stefan's beta testers. The plan was, make Graal a good game, release the shareware version, and then a Gold version you could buy. Well, in the meantime, I was exploiting the game beyond anyone's control.

First was local files. The levels used to be held in a directory on your PC. So everyone had 999 hearts and full ammo within seconds of being online. He fixed that by making them server held.

So they became server held, this is about the time Stefan added NPCs and NPC coding. SO I started to have fun by setting up NPCs that would crash other people. I created a huge area of the southwestern map all to myself and my followers from my "race" The Pachukites. (Used to be head #4 on the selection list) We pretty much ran Graal, because I told them to do something, they did it.

After the level/NPCs were bugfixed, I started hacking into the program itself, changing my beginning weapon from level 1 to level 999, and my life level to -1. So I was basically invincible and could one hit kill anyone who was within sword range. It was around this time I met Azrael.

Stefan made a checksum in the EXE so I could no longer hack it, and me and Azrael became friends. We would depend on each other to teach each other hacks and exploits. By this time the NPC coding system was far advanced from the original 5 commands it once had. We used it to our advantage. This is around the time I started working for a website called Graal-online, which is in no relation to graalonline.com.

Graal-online was formed by a guy named Galen who wanted the most up to date Graal site there was. Running a server from his own PC, he had the best Graal site for a while. Until Graal was taken offline.

When we would send in our levels, we would add NPCs with abusive coding in them. We mostly did this with one hit kill NPCs. We basically made them so we were immune, but no one else was. So we would walk into the screen, throw something, everyone died. Stefan started searching our levels, so we started linking our levels to outside servers. So basically, we'd make a level13.Graal (the main area of the map at that time) and upload it to our server with abusive NPCs added, link it from a level we sent to Stefan, load it into the memory, then play like normal. Eventually, me and Azrael became very egotistical, because we declared ourselves gods, because literally, no one could touch us. That's when we started to bash heads. Azrael had always tried to imitate everything I made on Graal. From my look, to my levels, to everything. And he used to get made fun of a lot for it. It got so bad I asked him to stop. And that sparked the greatest war the game had seen up to that point.

We both coded new and inventive NPCs to embarrass the other. He created the lamp of death, I created the white Graal. The white Graal made everyone wear really gay colored clothing, and made it impossible for them to use their weapon. I also made a tornado, a hurricane, and countless other NPCs. (my personal favorite was one that followed you around after you died and killed you every time you respawned)

This went on for 4-5 beta versions of the game, and got Azrael banned. (They couldn't ban me because I was using an AOL dialup with rotating IPs. So basically, for almost 4 months, any time I entered a screen someone else was on, they died. Now there were normally 4-8 people on the busier areas, and I did this over and over and over. So no one could touch me.

Graal was shut off for nearly 2 months until it could be stabilized.

Then Unixmad showed up. (Graal was getting closer to a date where there would be a registered version, therefore money was involved, therefor Unixmad showed up) Unixmad is a homosexual child porn fanatic from France. I only say this because he tried to hit on me and he also had child porn on his personal FTP one time. Unixmad wanted to make a structure to the game, so he started picking people for the Graal staff. A few weeks later, the first Graal staff was hired, and I was the level maintainer. Graalonline.com was born.

I spend 3 full days with next to no sleep adding stuff to the map, and making it work. I redid the town, and every other level. I added Graal castle and gave people the ability to fight for the throne. It was a lot of fucking time and energy. Unixmad didn't seem to care.

The registered version was released, and it had horses by this time, so that was part of the whole deal. You pay $15 for Graal, you get: upgradable weapons, and a custom designed horse. I soon found out the guildfile creator system at that time could be used to make keys for the registered version. But only one key could be used at once, so I would make a couple, put them up for download and watch people fight to stay on. It was funnier then hell.

By this time I was the most hated and loved person on Graal. Everyone knew me. Most despised me. One group was the Graalian Mafia. Graalian Mafia was made up of 2 members, and those 2 members were rubbed together often. One of them was named Xmann, and he was my bitch. I punked this guy around like the piece of shit he was. I eventually took over his website, and he threatened to kill me. He claimed to be in the Army, which I could understand, because he's the type of person to be surrounded by other men at all times. After this, it was an endless spiral of lame Graal projects and players that were ruined by me. I replaced the page with one that told him what a fucking waste of life he was, and PACHUKA is j00r daddy!

One of them was named Piccolo. He ran an external set of levels linked to the main ones by an approved link by Graal staff. I deleted it and replaced it with a single level letting everyone know why it was gone. PACHUKA is j00r daddy!

And then there was Antago. Antago was the anus of Graal. Antago was the pile of fecal matter everyone makes, but no one talks about. Antago had to be about 6-7 years old, or a full grown retarded adult. I took over 2 e-mail accounts and 2 of his websites, simply because his password was Antago. What kind of fucking moron uses their username as their password? A couple of other guys netbussed him and found a bunch of animal porn. Antago was a sick little kid. PACHUKA is j00r daddy!

And then came Galen's site. Galen was getting a big head, so I deleted his site and replaced it with the infamous "PACHUKA is j00r daddy!" Slogan.

Unixmad was getting on my ass all the fucking time for shit like this, but I was getting on him for being a child porn freak frenchie fuck. Any time he yelled at me, I would basically tell him to eat a dick. The last straw was when I started to memory edit the game to change my weapon from level 1 to level 999, and my life level to -1 again. But to do other things that were new, like bomb and arrow power. I was once again slaughtering hundreds of innocent users daily. I was getting a good 1-3000 kills a week. An invincible player on a fast horse and a one hit kill sword. I was not liked. PACHUKA is j00r daddy!

Then my greatest cheat work ever! The Black Graal. The Black Graal, namesaked after my website "The Black Graal" (The first ever Graal hack/cheat site) was a NPC worth of being called a God. I coded it in level13 and hex edited the location of it so it wouldn't appear on the editor. And it only responded to me, because I had to use a key phrase to activate it. When it was activated, it followed me around everywhere I went, activated flags for all the hardest to reach areas of the map, gave me a full 20 hearts, kept refilling them every 0.1 of a second, activated playerkilling in nonplayerkilling area, and I could tell it to do things. I could tell it to warp me to a level, just by saying "blackgraal: level.Graal". I could also tell it to kill everyone on the screen, one person on the screen, give me an item, and any other NPC command of that time. I was at my most unstoppable. You could not run nor hide from me. If I didn't like you, you didn't play while I was on without me owning your ass.

Then they added the account system.

The account system was a terrible idea. It made it so no one could do anything without working their ass off for it. So instead, people were busting their asses trying to collect stuff, only to have Unixmad delete it simply because he didn't like something they said.

Around this time, I was having personal problems which left me offline for a few months. When I came back, all I got was a stiff cold shoulder from the Graal staff. So I used a stolen FTP login and replaced the index file with one that said "PACHUKA is j00r daddy!".

And I left..... And that was it. I Called a lawyer, had my material removed from the game, and I really haven't cared since. I tried stopping by from time to time, when I get in the mood, but the average Graal player has an IQ between the range of a dead fish and a fucking shoe. It is probably the #1 online game of AOL. You may see AOL keyword: Graal someday. But until then, they will keep adding to it, making it bulkier, and buggier, and more boring until all that is left is a group of kids playing virtual pokemon cards in the middle of a town I helped create.

And all because they are bored.

so that's about as much as I can remember. I may update this someday, but don't count on it.

And to answer questions people may have:
no, I WILL NOT TEACH YOU TO "HACK"
I will not send you files
and I will not join your server
I will not play Graal "just one last time".

If you want to contact me, you can reach me at pachuka@hotmail.com

I'd like to thank the Baddies, Clops, Azrael, Bomber, Mandi, Zol and the IZP, and everyone who I used to kick it with.

Big fuck yous go to Unixmad, the childporn fag, Xmann, the lover of tossing meat, Antago, the fairly brainless pervert child, anyone who used either a Dragon Ball or Pokemon name at any point of playing, and Nick, wherever he may be.